Laugh, Clown, Laugh: 2

They drove a van and carried bags of candy and bright ballons, and bouquets of flowers exploded out from their oversized sleeves.
They had a machine in the back of that van that knocked kids out in under a second, and once you were unconscious, you never woke back up.
While you were out, but before you died, they took turns on your body.
Then they cut your throat.
And because they were clowns and their mouths were painted that way, they were always smiling.

From "Darkness, Take My Hand" by Dennis Lehane

Laugh, Clown, Laugh: 1

And Quaid knew, meeting the clown's vacant stare through an air turned bloody, that there was worse than dread. Worse than death itself. There was pain without hope of healing. There was life that refused to end, long after the mind had begged the body to cease. And worst, there were dreams come true.

From "Dread" by Clive Barker

O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum...

After 26 months of silence, what better time to return than Christmas Eve? I have just got back from the traditional Nalder bacchanal at my uncle's house, and am about to settle down and enjoy the gift I recieved from Lawrence. That gift of course is TRIUMPH OF THE WILL. I'd like to think that I am the only person in Canada, if not the world, who is spending his Christmas Eve in this fashion.

"And so as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us Every One!"

Text

A few weeks ago, I spoke of my return to playing "point-and-click" adventure games on my PC. It seems that my regression into the dark past of gaming has finally hit bottom, as I have found myself now playing games that consist of mere screens of text. For buggery's sake, at least Pong had graphics. Why am I so keen to play such musty relics? Perhaps it has something to do with the variety of genres that were made in this format. These days, it seems that every new game on the market is set in "the hood"/a space station/a Tolkien-esqe elfland/some sort of near-future armed conflict, and consits of various forms of killing terrorists/orcs/aliens/policemen. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed these types of games, and do own many of these. And there are truly original games out there as well like Psychonauts (buy this game dammit!) and Shadow of the Colossus (Lawrence hates that game). But take a gander at some of the settings of the games in The Lost Treasures of Infocom collection I just got of eBay:

Planetfall/Stationfall: A forerunner to the Space Quest games, where you play as a space janitor with a robot sidekick.

Deadline/The Witness: 1930's murder mysteries.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Based on the book, and notoriously difficult. Called Infocom's greatest by many.

Ballyhoo: A goddamn circus-mystery game. Circus!

The Lurking Horror: Pants-crapping Lovecraft-style horror game. My personal favorite.

Zork series: Fantasy dungeon-crawls with a goofy sense of humor.

There's even more in the collection, and that's just Vol 1. The second volume includes Trinity, an anti-war adventure where the player travels through time and visits the scenes of historical and fictional atomic explosions, as well as A Mind Forever Voyaging, a highly political tale in which you take the role of a sentient computer that thinks its human.

While these games are mostly all puzzle-based adventures, they have intriguing plots and settings that are often apart from what is released and selling billions of each year. This is not some techno-fear screed though, as I will continue to play new games in the future, but I guess the point is that it is nice to take a break from the relentless crush of "the new", and experience what was groundbreaking twenty years ago, and remains so in many ways. Join me soon, when I'm sure I'll fall even further into the past of gaming, perhaps selling all my games to purchase an original Pong cabinet.

Late breaking outsider music news!

There has been a strange series of coincidences in the last week. Mere days after Jarrett delighted me with his copy of SONGS IN THE KEY OF Z, I awoke on Saturday morning to find that IFC was showing a documentary about Jandek, one of the artists featured on said collection. Entitled JANDEK ON CORWOOD , it was released in 2004, and was followed later that year by what seemed to be the first documented live performances by the reclusive musician. Unfortunately the film was on at about 6:30am and I had to leave for the margarine-works so I only saw a bit of it. An even bigger shocker though is that apparently Jandek just performed in Toronto a few weeks ago, and has other concerts planned for the coming months. Strange how a man who spent over twenty-five years creating music in almost total anonymity is suddenly out touring Europe and North America, and playing festivals. There are certain bands where I wish the reverse would happen. Why can't Nickelback enter into a hermit-like existence, making albums that are never heard on the radio? Why can't Lethbridge get a decent radio station? Why do Fraser and Rosie still draw breath? WHY AM I ANGRY ALL THE TIME?! DROP THE BOMB NORTH KOREA! AIM IT HERE!

1015 3rd Ave South
Lethbridge, AB
T1J 0J3
Phone: (403) 320-1220

Funny Deaths

That's right, I'm a lazy bastard and haven't posted for almost two weeks. Do something.

I have been playing a lot of old PC games recently, especially point-and-click adventure games. I guess there is just something I like about this genre that is all but extinct. My adventure bliss has increased dramatically since Vivendi Universal finally re-released the classic Sierra Quest games optimized for Windows XP. Anyone who has played these games will know that it is not difficult to die in them (a fact that I have been painfully re-educated in after playing the nigh-deathless Monkey Island games). While fiddling around on the Internet, I happened across this amusing gallery of character deaths from the Space Quest series. Some of my favorites are:

This little existential number.

One of my favorites when I was a kid.

Says it all really.

Just insulting really.

I think more games need to viciously punish the player for their stupidity.

Local Laffs

Some interesting stories in the Lethbridge Herald today, including:

commemoration of a lynch-mob thwarted by The Queen's Law.


An interesting sounding documentary about a well-known racist comedy tape.

Ah! The rich historical and cultural tapestry of Lethbridge comes alive!